The Clock

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Overview
Production
Episode Chronology

The Clock is the first episode of the second season.

Plot Summary

As Mr. Grainger celebrates his 65th birthday, all the staff wonder whether he'll get the traditional cuckoo clock that means he is being retired. In the evening, the staff and Mrs. Grainger have dinner and Mr. Rumbold tells Captain Peacock that Grainger is being given the cuckoo clock. However, Young Mr. Grace makes a late appearance and gives the clock to himself and gives Mr. Grainger another five years. Guest starring John Ringham.

Credits

• Mollie Sugden as Mrs. Slocombe
• Trevor Bannister as Mr. Lucas
• Frank Thornton as Captain Peacock
• John Inman as Mr. Humphries
• Wendy Richard as Miss Brahms
• Arthur Brough as Mr. Grainger
• Nicholas Smith as Mr. Rumbold
• Larry Martyn as Mr. Mash
• Harold Bennett as Old Mr. Grace
• John Ringham as The Check Jacket
• Dorothy Wayne as The Bridal Veil
• Pearl Hackney as Mrs. Grainger
• Hilda Fenemore as Elsie
• Avril Fane, Barbara Loynes and Dorothy Loynes as The Trio

Episode Quotes

1. [Captain Peacock is reading the list of possible entrees for Mr. Grainger's anniversary dinner and voting on what to have for dinner] Captain Peacock: Now, roast pheasant would be two pounds per head. Poule rôti... Miss Brahms: You what? Captain Peacock: Roast chicken. One pound fifty. Steak pie, one pound twenty five. Or macaroni cheese, one pound. Mr. Lucas: I vote for macaroni cheese.
2. Mrs. Slocombe: [later] We can't give the poor old soul a dinner with macaroni cheese! Mr. Lucas: Well he'd prefer it. Once he gets those teeth of his stuck into a pheasant, he'd be here all night. Mr. Humphries: If we have the canteen steak pie, we'll all be here all night. Miss Brahms: I'll go for the macaroni cheese, meself. Mrs. Slocombe: Well, I think we should give him the chicken. Captain Peacock: Any other votes for chicken? Mr. Humphries: Yes, I'll go for chicken. It goes so well with the cabinet pudding and simulated cream. Captain Peacock: Well, I... I favor chicken myself. So that's three votes for chicken, and two for macaroni cheese. Mr. Humphries: And the steak pie loses its deposit. Captain Peacock: So. ah... that means we have chicken. That will be ah... one pound fifty per head.
3. Mr. Grainger: I do hope we're not going to have steak pie. I'm travelling home on a non-corridor train.
4. Mr. Grainger: [making a speech] Dear friends, my heart is very full. Mrs. Slocombe: [turns her champagne glass over] My glass is very empty.
5. Mrs. Slocombe: And where is madam going for her honeymoon? The Bridal Veil: Well, we're torn between Eastbourne and Brighton. Mrs. Slocombe: It is difficult to make up one's mind, isn't it? The Bridal Veil: It is. Mrs. Slocombe: Why not compromise and try Beachy Head?
6. Mr. Humphries: Mr. Grainger, whatever's the matter? You look as though you've seen a ghost. Mr. Grainger: I... I heard the cuckoo in Mr. Rumbold's office. Mr. Lucas: What, third of March? You'd better write a letter to The Times. Mr. Grainger: It was a cuckoo clock! Mr. Humphries: Glass of water for Mr. Grainger. Mr. Lucas: Glass of water coming up.
7. Mr. Grainger: Yes, I would think a forty four. Wouldn't you Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: Certainly, Mr. Grainger. A forty four. Don't you think so, Mr. Lucas? Mr. Lucas: I hope so, we haven't got anything bigger.
8. Mr. Grainger: Yes, err, this range is in pushcon, isn't it, Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: Right first time, Mr. Grainger. Thirty five percent wool, thirty five percent pushcon. The Check Jacket: Well, that only makes seventy percent. Mr. Humphries: Yes, well, there's a lot of air between the fibers, Sir. Allows the fabric to breathe. Isn't that right, Mr. Lucas? Mr. Lucas: Quite right, Mr. Humphries. If you listen quietly, you can hear it, you know. Mr. Humphries: Thank you, Mr. Lucas. Mr. Lucas: We've got a whole cupboard full over there, panting for breath.
9. Mr. Grainger: What do you think, Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: Well, it's err... nice and snug at the front. Mr. Grainger: It's very snug indeed. Mr. Humphries: Why don't you have a look at the back? Mr. Lucas: Yes, I'm sure the back is snug as well.
10. Mrs. Slocombe: [putting the Bridal Veil on the customer's head] There. How's that? The Bridal Veil: It's a bit thick, isn't it? Mrs. Slocombe: Well, it looks lovely from our side. The Bridal Veil: I can't see. Mrs. Slocombe: Well, you'll have someone holding your arm. The Bridal Veil: But he won't recognize me. Mrs. Slocombe: Well, he'll know your voice, won't he? Miss Brahms: Think of the surprise he's gonna get when he lifts it up. Mrs. Slocombe: That'll do, Miss Brahms.
11. Mr. Mash: Psst! Oi! Mrs. Slocombe: Is that the way you usually attract a lady's attention, Mr. Mash? Mr. Mash: No. Usually, I go up from behind and go... way-hey-hey!
12. Mr. Mash: 'Ere y'are, six pairs of tights... and six pairs of Pussy Boots. Mrs. Slocombe: Six pairs of what? Mr. Mash: Pussy Boots. Fur slippers. And we got a new sales gimmick as well for 'em. Here you are. Look at that. Mrs. Slocombe: Whatever's that? Mr. Mash: One electric pussy. Battery operated.
13. Captain Peacock: [talking about the menu for Mr. Grainger's anniversary dinner] A main course, which I shall bring up later. Mrs. Slocombe: Won't we all?
14. Mr. Lucas: Never mind, Shirley. You and me can share the wishbone. Mr. Humphries: I know what you're going to wish for. Miss Brahms: And even if he wins, he won't get it!
15. Captain Peacock: Now, as regards to dress, I think, err, black tie. [Mr. Humphries]]: What? And nothing else?
16. Mr. Humphries: [in deep voice] Menswear...[to Mr. Grainger] Are you free, Mr. Grainger? Mr. Grainger: Yes, I'm free. Mr. Humphries: You're wanted in Mr. Rumbold's office.
17. Mrs. Slocombe: [drunk] Well, Captain Peacock, it looks at though we're going to be able to trip the tight lanfastic. Captain Peacock: I beg your pardon. Mr. Humphries: She wants you to rip her tight elastic.
18. Mr. Grainger: [to Mrs. Grainger] They've got an orchestra. Mr. Fredericks didn't have an orchestra. Perhaps we'll be able to do the Gay Gordons. Mr. Humphries: That should round the evening off nicely.
19. Miss Brahms: Look, if you're going to dance with your hand down there, I'm gonna sit down. Mr. Lucas: You've got plenty to sit on. Miss Brahms: Do you mind, it's my best feature.
20. Mr. Humphries: You know what they say about vodka, Mrs Slocombe? One's all right, two's the most, three, under the table, four, under the host. Mrs. Slocombe: Ooh! Oh, Mr. Humphries, what will you say next? Mr. Humphries: Mr. Rumbold's the host.
21. Mr. Grainger: You know, as I look back over the years, they all seem to have passed very quickly. But I shall always have very happy recollections of you all.
22. Captain Peacock: [looking at the remains of the Pussy boots display model, which has just exploded] Mr. Mash, take it to the vet!
23. Captain Peacock: The group is coming up in the other lift. Miss Brahms: Oh, good. Who've we got, the New Seekers? [a group of older ladies holding string instruments emerges from the lift] Mr. Lucas: I don't think it's the New Seekers, love. More like the Old Knockers.